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Blog: FCAR
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If it works for
kids, why not flowers?
By Marion Brady
*January 20, 2005
I have a really great idea! However, before I run it by my wife, I'd like some
feedback from readers.
I'm calling the idea NFLB.
What alerted me to the need for NFLB was a flower in one of the pots on the deck
outside our bedroom door. I ordinarily don't pay much attention to buds and
blooms in and around the house and yard, but this one -- some sort of daisy --
was obviously headed for the compost pile.
My knowledge of houseplants is minimal. I grew up in the country and know the
names and usefulness of certain trees for making fence posts, slingshots,
kindling, whistles, firewood, emergency toilet paper and so on. However, I
didn't learn much in the ornamental-plant department when I was a kid because we
didn't have any. My mother's interest in houseplants coincided with the
appearance of fake plastic ones. And, since those required dusting, we only had
a couple of generics.
My wife, on the other hand, has a lot of the real thing, the maintenance of
which is no small task -- enough to occupy her for at least a little while every
day, and enough to be a hassle when we go away and arrangements have to be made
for their care and feeding.
I don't know much about flowers, but I do know there are quite a few different
kinds. (A thousand? Ten thousand? A hundred thousand?) I also know from watching
my wife and listening to her and my sister-in-law talk that starting and keeping
alive just the several dozen kinds the two of them tend is pretty complicated.
Each kind of flower has special characteristics and needs. Some like the sun.
Some prefer shade. Others do best with some particular combination of sun and
shade. A couple too heavy for my wife to lift I have to move outside every few
weeks to perk them up. Some need a lot of water; others very little. Some will
freeze; others won't. Some do well in soil that others soon die in. Some don't
mind being knocked around in the wind, while others blow flat and never seem to
have the strength to stand back up on their own. Many are affected by their
"micro climates" -- nearby fences, walls, other plants, various insects and
microorganisms.
If all this seems complicated, it is. Which is where my great idea -- NFLB --
enters the picture.
At their best, flowers seem to have two primary purposes: They're supposed to
(1) look pretty, and (2) smell good. Since we Americans have a special place in
our hearts for roses, and since roses meet both the look-pretty and smell-good
criteria, I propose that roses be the standard against which all flowers are
judged. I also propose that Congress enact rose-based "standards and
accountability" legislation, that botanists get to work turning all flowers into
roses, and that those flowers incapable of shaping up be composted.
Think of the potential! By focusing all effort on the development and
cultivation of roses, who knows what levels of rose excellence may be possible?
Requirements for light, moisture, soil type, wind tolerance, temperature and so
on can be standardized, as can measures of accountability for stems, leaves and
petals. A rating scale can be put in place and all flowers scoring below, say, 7
on a 10-point, rose-based scale can be labeled "failing." Bushes producing one
or two failed roses for two consecutive years can be transplanted to other
gardens and their gardeners fired.
The rose-standardization program wouldn't just mean better roses, it would
enormously reduce rose costs at all levels from grower to consumer. We can have
high-quality, low-cost roses on every table, high-quality roses for every
birthday, every anniversary, every wedding, every funeral!
Exciting, huh?
Congress has a lot on its plate right now, but the necessary legislation for
NFLB (No Flower Left Behind) can be put in place with relative ease by using the
No Child Left Behind (NCLB) legislation as a template. Mostly it would just be a
matter of crossing out "students" and writing in "flowers."
Because flowers start out a lot simpler and more like each other than kids, no
two of whom are alike, implementing NFLB should be a lot easier than
implementing NCLB.
Let me know if I can count on you to support this common-sense project. If the
response is favorable, I'll run the proposal past my wife, then send it on to
our congressional delegation.
*First published in the Orlando Sentinel. Posted here
with permission of the author.
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